Web Hosting Adventure

The Adventure of a Lifetime

By: Jessica Palmer

Creating a couple of websites and a blog is more than an adventure. It is enough to make a strong man weep and the purely pragmatic turn superstitious. When logic fails, you contemplate the arcane; you considering going out to find a chicken to slaughter in order read its entrails until your computer repairman points out that the goo will probably gum up the keyboard. You try Holy Water instead and short out the system.After having worked on what should have been a simple project for days, and days, AND DAYS, and weeks, you eventually bring out the heavy artillery, approaching the computer with a necklace of garlic and brandishing a wooden stake.

The daring will attempt to circumnavigate the help files only to discover that none of the questions in the FAQs page cover your particular inquiry. Meanwhile the search function makes you ponder the universe of cyberspace and ask yourself such questions as: “what is reality?” Eventually, you doubt the meaning of words and your knowledge of synonyms. Still you need the information so you search under delete to find it is not registered. Remove? Nada. Erase: Rien de chose.

Undaunted you try to find another function such as upload in the not-so-helpful help files and, finally, get an answer from search that tells you– the limitations of uploading,

— the file sizes allowed,

— and the type of files that are permissible;

but notably not how to upload a file. Icons yield no results; the menu offers none of the above, such as simple prompt.

You send off increasingly frantic e-mails to beleaguered support staff, who probably wonder about the infinite number of ways an educated person can scramble relatively simple software. At the end of the day, you both — support staff and bewildered webmaster — go home to make appointments with your respective therapists who, in turn, laugh all the way to the bank.

 


You send off increasingly frantic e-mails to beleaguered support staff, who probably wonder about the infinite number of ways an educated person can scramble relatively simple software. At the end of the day, you both — support staff and bewildered webmaster — go home to make appointments with your respective therapists who, in turn, laugh all the way to the bank.The naïve will try another web site, only to discover the vagaries of the first far outweigh the mysteries of the second…the third, and the fourth. The brave will go into the source file and discover the wonderland of HTML, and they are lucky if they make out alive again.

The advantages of the internet for industry become more and more apparent the longer you work on your website. Your hairdresser profits as he or she tries to find a means to use the last remaining strands on your head to cover the bald spaces left after you’ve torn most of your hair out. Your doctor, the pharmacies and the drug companies profit as you get prescriptions for tranquilizers, antacids, and sleep aids, and if you are of that ilk, your liquor store owner grins as you walk in the door with a dazed and glazed expression on your face, as he says: “Working on the internet again, I see.”

Computer repairmen are delighted as you get yet another version of the same old virus and finally you install a revolving door for ease of access. The local computer store salesperson scowls as he or she helps you replace your keyboard or your monitor for the umpteenth time, the last having been mangled when you attacked it with a hammer.

Until finally, you find the “key” in a sudden flash of inspiration. Let your five-year-old do it, and “voila” the website is completed.

 

   

 


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