Funny Customer Support Conversations

Today I was reading a blog post from an employee of Hostmonster and Bluehost and I thought you would enjoy seeing it.  Hostmonster and Bluehost are two of the web’s most popular web hosting providers and literally receive hundreds/thousands of tech requests each day.  As you can imagine when you receive this many tech requests some are going to be very humerous.  Take a look at some of these funny customer support conversations:


Tech: Welcome to our real-time support chat. How can I help you today? I assist multiple customers at a time so please be patient.
Customer: You say I have to wait 10-15 minutes about your super-secret password email. first of all that is RIDICULOUS. Second of all, I need to get to my account NOW why are you holding me hostage and third, I’ve waited LONG ENOUGH send me the email!!!!!
Customer: what exactly is your damage? where is this “precious” email from you???????
Tech: please check your spam filter or junk folder if you are not receiving the e-mail.
Customer: FINALLY got your “precious” email that took a REE-DONK-U-LOUS amount of time….there is NOTHING wrong with my current PW it has plenty of variety including a special character and a number. when did you guys become such password dictators?
Customer: i added a capital and STILL not good enough for you? I just switched all of my services over to you and now i realize i am dealing with a bunch of unreasonable dictators
Tech: Passwords must contain at least 8 characters, one lower, one capital, one number, and one non-alphanumeric character. This is a security precaution. I apologize for the frustration this has caused you.
Customer: fine, i’ll be looking for yet another company who are not so unreasonable. seriously. this is STUPID.
Tech: Welcome to our support chat. I take a number of chats at a time, so there might be a delay in my responses.
Customer: Hello, Why is god not seem to be hairy? Thank you
Tech: I apologize, but I’m not sure what I can help with. Can you please clarify for me?
Customer: okay
Customer: Whenever you see a picture of God, you never see him to be hairy on his body… i was wondering what you think about it?
Tech: I apologize, but this is actually not a question covered by our technical support services. I would recommend you direct this question to a local Pastor.
Tech: Welcome to our real-time support chat. How can I help you today? I assist multiple customers at a time so please be patient.
Customer: shut the **** up i never said you could talk.
Customer: this is a robbery.
Customer: put ur hands up.
Customer: NOW !
Customer: *shoot*
Customer: ok ur dead
Customer: nice talkin to u
Tech: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
[screaming child in background]
Customer: *laughing* You have a babysitter?
Tech: We have you down for the 12 month web hosting plan is that correct?
Customer: Yes (long pause). WAIT! Do you mean “down” as the website isn’t up for a year? I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean.
Tech: I mean “down” as our records reflect that you signed up for 12 months of web hosting with us.
Customer: So, 12 month of having my site up not down?
Tech: An exclamation mark?
Customer: No, like a capital 1.

Tech:  Thank you for contacting our real-time chat. I may be working with other customers, so there might be a delay. How can I help you?
Customer:  bogus a** stuff keepin me from accessing my s***
Tech: please keep the language professional
Customer: suit & tie my brotha
Tech: Welcome to our real-time support chat. I am assisting multiple customers at this time. Please be patient as my responses may be delayed. How can I help you today?
Customer: they want me to change my password to something so effin crazzy it would be impossible for me to even write it down
Tech: I apologize but you would still need an upper case letter and symbol to meet our requirements.
Customer: should I turn around and pat my head 3 times as well??
Tech: Sir, I’m very sorry. I understand your frustrations, but this is part of our security updates.
Customer: why don’t we just get close. cause I’m gonna be on this chat, every time I want to log in
Customer: I’m a happy guy. I am not mad at you:) Hahaha
Customer: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you. You sound like a mechanical Irish person.
Tech: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Customer: Just one question. It’s a little off the subject but I’m a worshiper or Jesus Christ.
Tech: ok?
Customer: well I like to pray to Jesus for people I don’t know.
Tech: ok?
Customer: Could I get your name?
Tech: [tech’s name]
Customer: [tech’s name] is there anything that I could pray to Jesus about for you? Anything at all?
Tech: No, I think I’m good. Thank you for offering.
Customer: One quick question.
Tech: ok?
Customer: What do you think of the health care bill? Do you like it?
Tech: I prefer not to discuss politics with customers if it is not relevant to their account.
Customer: Well ok, this one is regarding your work.
Tech: Ok, what is your question?
Customer: Do you have insurance where you work?
Tech: Yes.
Customer: So the health care won’t affect you?
Tech: I’m sorry, but I can’t discuss this.
Customer: Grrrr……*dial tone*

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